Evening notes, 2

I am deeply convinced that learning a foreign language, learning to swim, ride a bike, and drive a car is necessary the sooner the better.

I started driving after the age of 40, when I moved to the USA. It’s really late.

We live in a small city. There is public transportation in the form of several bus routes. But with a car it is much more convenient, faster and more reliable. And driving is not a big deal for most people. For most, but not for me. 

Sometimes it seems I myself create difficulties so that life is not always so rosy. 

In conversations, I admit that I’m afraid to get behind the wheel. But I don’t remember ever writing about it.

I think the category #evening notes category is perfect for this.

To be honest, it’s a little embarrassing to admit your failures. And is it right to call my situation a failure?

I’ve been driving since 2015. At the same time, in 2015, I had a car accident. Two days later , fear appeared.

My husband thinks that everything is fine with me. For the first 3-4 years (of driving), I had two official part-time jobs, 2 unofficial part-time jobs, and one volunteering. I had to drive to several places every day. And I drove. I was afraid, but I did it.

Now, I still drive to and from work, for groceries and to the barber shop, to clean the ring and send the parcel, with the dog for gasoline and to the vet. I’m afraid, but I’m driving.

I don’t like this feeling of fear, so I’m not sitting idly by. I read books to understand the nature of fear. One day I hired an instructor only to hear from him that I drive well (why I don’t believe him is a separate story). And the most important thing is that I drive almost every day. But it seems to me that all this is not enough.

I’m already thinking of going to a psychologist. But… how to find the right one for my situation, how much will this “pleasure” cost? Do I need a referral from a physician? And how to get to his/her office? It’s like some kind of enchanted circle.

What to do?

There is only one way out – to live, drive a car and praise yourself for every trip.

Literally on Thursday I needed to get to the pharmacy. Immediately I’ve got a swarm of thoughts: I can go on Thursday after work (after 8 pm), or on Friday before/after work … or on Saturday.. How to decide and what to decide?

I remembered myself in Russia. It was quite easy to go to a pharmacy, a store, or a friend on the way home from work. I wondered to myself: why do I need to think now? I just have to go. I know the way (even without GPS)…

I drove home from the pharmacy proud of myself, I even forgot to turn on the headlights. Thanks to the kind people who “winked” at me…

At home, I didn’t tell my husband about the forgotten headlights, but I thanked him for all my new experiences that I got and I’m getting in America.

Author: Elena

Hi, My name is Elena. I am Russian living in the US. My blog is about my life and experience. This is my new hobby. So, please, don't be too hard on me. Thanks

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